How to Work Through Emotional Triggers in 6 Steps
Is your sky clouding up? It’s trigger time! (image courtesy of worldofmiri.com)
Yes, our triggers are gifts in strange wrapping paper
You know the feeling. Someone makes a random comment, and you can see yourself shrink. Someone cuts you off in traffic, and you find yourself yelling at them from behind your wheel. Someone ignores your opinion, and you simply sit there, pouting.
It’s trigger-time.
We all have them. A trigger can be anything, even a song, a smell, or a memory. You suddenly find yourself in a different emotional state, sometimes not even knowing what prompted you to go down that path. Perhaps, you are not even aware of the shift in your emotional state. Maybe you only realize afterwards and wonder what just happened.
An emotional trigger is anything — including memories, experiences, or events — that sparks an intense emotional reaction, regardless of your current mood. (…) Knowing what your emotional triggers are (and how to deal with them) is a key component of good emotional health.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-triggers
When I learnt about triggers, my first thoughts were ‘what a waste of time’! Why do we even have triggers? Don’t they just make life more complicated?
However, I also observed how triggers took over and ran my life – quite often in the most inconvenient moments. When I should have been calm and centered holding boundaries for my tantrum-throwing child, I lost it and stormed away as if I was the toddler. When I should have voiced my needs while planning our weekend family time, I expected everyone to read my mind and sulked when they didn’t.
I wondered, could my life be better if I learned how to handle these triggers?
First, I tried ignoring the trigger situations which, unfortunately, did not have the desired effect. Instead, I accumulated ‘trigger potential’ leading to sudden volcanic-like emotional eruptions which never seemed adequate for the current situation.
To read more about this, click here: Parenting with depression, our kids as our mirrors.
And here: Why embracing all of my emotions is the only path to happiness.
There had to be a different path.
During my healing journey, I read about triggers being a gift or opportunity for growth, as expressed, for example, by Robert Ohotto:
Could being emotionally triggered be the best thing that’s ever happened to you?
I found this difficult to accept. Didn’t triggers bring up dark emotions which weren’t fun to experience?
However, I also observed certain issues were coming up repetitively. Maybe a trigger was indeed an option to work through the dark emotions and to shift the trigger to a different state? Maybe it wouldn’t come up any more after this at all?
This thought got me going. I started working on my triggers; in the beginning, from a place of trial-and-error with a focus on ‘error’!
However, over time, I developed an intuitive knowing around trigger situations which helps me handle them better than before. Unfortunately, this does not necessarily mean it has gotten easier. When a trigger comes up, I nonetheless need to work through dark emotions or thoughts which I, admittingly, sometimes still try to avoid. However, I have found that I don’t get triggered in certain situations any more which used to hold 100% trigger potential just a few years ago! I have made progress. I also know there is light at the end of the tunnel and that situations are shiftable, which I didn’t believe at the start of my healing journey.
Certain triggers will still come up multiple times which is usually a sign of another layer needing to be addressed.
If, in any moment, the emotional response triggered in you is too overwhelming to be handled on your own, please, get professional help. In fact, I spent years working with professionals before feeling safe enough to embark on handling my triggers by myself. And, when they feel too strong, I still get help, until today.
Here’s my 6-step process for working through triggers. At the end, I’ll include a personal example which might help with understanding what I mean.
1. Accepting and acknowledging the trigger
Accepting and acknowledging the trigger situation is the first important step. I took me a long time to admit to myself I was being triggered. Acknowledging this brought up a whole packet of emotions, including shame and self-judgement for not being able to handle myself better. I had this idea in my head I should be trigger-free because, obviously, I should behave perfectly all the time. Today, I know, this was my inner perfectionist judging me. He still shows up from time to time, but since accepting that I am not flawless, just like any other human being, his grip on me has lessened considerably.
Quite often, I experience a trigger as a physical sensation in my body, for example as pain in my shoulders or the feeling of an up-set stomach. I feel ‘off’ overall. Sometimes, I can trace the trigger back to a specific situation, such as somebody saying something to me. In such a case, the words will replay in my head over and over.
2. Acknowledging my responsibility
When I allow myself to see a trigger as an opportunity, it gives me the power and the ability to shift the situation by focusing on myself and my reaction.
When I blame the situation on the other person involved – as we often do get triggered by the people around us – I cannot do anything about it. I let the trigger situation control me and drop into victimhood. Of course, in a trigger moment, I experience feelings of anger or other emotions and in the first heat of the moment, I sometimes still direct my anger at someone else. However, I know from my own experience, that the emotions I am feeling are always about me. The other person merely acts as a mirror of my own world which can be hard to see when in a trigger-moment. Therefore, I try to give myself time before reacting, so I can work through the emotions first and then address any remaining issues from a neutral space.
Just to be clear, this does not mean handing others a carte blanche. This is simply about acknowledging where my powers lie – with me. I can work with myself to change, and I can only take responsibility for myself, my actions, and my own willingness to heal and grow.
3. Gifting myself time and space to work through the trigger
If I don’t gift myself the time to work through a trigger situation, I will become increasingly irritable, unstable, and almost depressed. I might develop a headache, not sleep well, and snap at my loved ones. These are clear signs for me to take a time-out and really focus on the trigger.
For me, this works best when I am out in nature for a run or a walk. No distractions – meaning no phone, nobody else, no music. I allow myself to drop into a deep breathing pattern which is why I love the rhythm of walking. It helps me to connect to my body which serves as the entry portal to healing the trigger.
I usually grant myself at least an hour. This may seem long, however, I feel I cannot rush this process. It takes time to work through all the emotions and layers and I also need at least 10 – 15 minutes to arrive in a head space where my mind has calmed enough to be ‘workable’.
Read more by clicking here: How walking keeps me healthy.
4. Calling in Divine help and guidance
I set the scene by asking to be surrounded by a column of Christ Consciousness Light and for my Higher Guides and Higher Self to come in to hold space. I set the intention for any dark energies coming up (thought forms, emotions…) to be transmuted by this light.
Even if you are unsure about this part of the process, I’d recommend you ask for a form of Highest Light to come in, whatever feels right for you.
We all need a safe space when we allow ourselves to descend into our shadow. We need to be held, guided, and loved. Allow yourself this gift of calling in help.
So, technically, I am not doing the trigger healing on my own, but with the help from the Divine. The results are remarkable, and I would love for you to experience this as well.
5. Diving deep
After calling in the Divine, I allow myself to enter the portal provided by the trigger. The entry point could be the pain in my body, the emotions I am feeling, or the words that keep playing in my head. I allow myself to fully drop into the experience and really feel into the trigger. Breathing deeply and staying present is key. This process can be challenging because of the fear of what I will encounter. Therefore, I need a safety net – either a professional or the Divine to help me through the experience.
Diving deep for me includes feeling all the emotions, processing them, and moving through the ‘trigger-tunnel’. Usually, there are several layers until I finally arrive at the bottom of the issue: a statement, memory, or feeling that resonates as ‘true’ in my body. This will be the original wound which might stem from my childhood or another time.
6. Integration of the soul lesson
Once I have found the original wound, it’s time to face and feel the accompanying emotions which had been hidden away. Often, I find grief. Again, breathing deeply into the feeling is key for shifting it.
I ask for Divine guidance so that healing and the integration of the soul lesson may be achieved in alignment with my Highest Self. Usually, this involves calling in the energies of forgiveness and unconditional love. When unsure of the right steps or words, I surrender this to my Higher Guides, trusting that whatever is necessary will happen in alignment with my Highest Self and the Highest Good of everyone involved.
Eventually, the emotions will stop flowing and be replaced by a feeling of calmness. I usually continue moving while breathing deeply, savoring these moments of lightness. I thank the Divine for their assistance and declare the process for closed.
Real life example
The other week, I felt emotionally vulnerable, energetically low, and frustrated. After several days of trying to ignore the signals, I finally committed to a run to work through whatever wanted to be seen.
I arrived at my usual route and started moving, falling into a rhythmic breathing pattern. After about ten minutes, I felt centered enough to start the process. I set up the scene by invoking Higher Help and Guidance. I like to call in a column of Christ Consciousness and a selection of Archangels. Then, I focus on grounding into my body, allowing my light to come in, while releasing all energies that don’t belong to me. I ask for an activation and balancing of all my bodies, chakras, cells, and meridians and my auric field to be healed and sealed. I set the intention for all dark energies coming up in the process to be transmuted into the light.
Next, I allowed myself to dive into the trigger. At first, there was anger: Anger at the world, anger at myself, anger at everyone. I allowed myself to release this by silently screaming in my head (as there was the occasional other runner on the path): “I am so angry! I am angry at the world! I am angry at everyone!”. This continued for a few minutes. I really immersed myself in the experience.
Finally, the anger was spent and next came a wave of deep grief. I sobbed and cried, allowing myself to feel the pain. New words accompanied this experience: “I am frustrated! FRUSTRATED!” I worked through this layer by yelling these words in my mind and letting myself feel the grief.
After this, came an accolade of accusations – interestingly as if someone else was shouting at me: “You don’t manage to keep up any friendships! You haven’t done any writing! You don’t know what you are doing with your life! You can’t handle your kids! ...” As these words rolled past me, I asked for Divine help which is as simple as voicing ‘Help’ in my mind. Instantly, the words changed to “You are incapable! You are incapable!” I knew I had hit the bottom of the trigger-tunnel. I could feel those words resonate in my body. A wave of sadness hit me, and I felt small and unworthy. This moment, a white-wigged figure appeared in my mind’s eye, dressed like a judge. I knew I was facing my inner judge. Suddenly, all the hints which had been building up during the week, came together to form a full picture – something I often notice in hindsight.
My inner judge thought me to be incapable and this belief system wanted to be dealt with. I was furious and sad at the same time, so I had to work through these emotions next. I asked for help in dealing with the judge and I suddenly realized, I could simply pull out the plug which led to a collapse of the over-inflated judge figure.
I continued breathing and releasing until I felt better.
In this example, I did not arrive at a specific memory but rather at a belief which could have had many origins. However, in this case, it did not feel important to understand where the wound had stemmed from. Instead, I was asked to see and change the way I spoke to myself. This required me to pay attention to my habits in the weeks following the healing to actively work on establishing a new, beautiful, wholistic pattern.
Thank you for embarking on this journey of self-healing and your willingness to face and integrate all of which is you!
I am rooting for you. Good luck!
