My Love Letter to My Biggest Critic Taught Me a Valuable Lesson

Giving myself space is an important step towards healing (Image courtesy of worldofmiri.com)

She is my ally, not my enemy

I was set the task of writing a love letter to my body as part of my weekly spiritual class.

Given the chronic pain I’ve been in most of my life, this task was daunting. In fact, I had just experienced a throw-back and my body was in shut down, despite my diet and lifestyle changes, and the healing work I’d been doing.

I felt stuck in a dead-end.

Anger surged through me whenever I thought about my body. I wanted to scream at it for putting me through this pain over and over again. A love letter seemed out of question.

I finally settled on attempting a dialogue with my body which I structured in the form of channeled writing (follow this link to learn more about channeled writing).

I received answers I did not expect.

Maybe it was time to shift my perspective.

* * * * *

Me: So, you are in pain. Again.

Body: Yes, I’m in pain. Again. You are not permitting me the space to heal.

Me: I’m not permitting you the space to heal? What do you mean?

Body: You are pushing, never satisfied, moving on, forcing me, putting pressure on me to integrate, urging me to run faster, to perform, to do everything at once. I can’t do it anymore. It’s too much.

Me: I wasn’t aware.

Body: Of course not. You were busy planning your glorious future. Wondering why it is not happening. You are holding space for the planet, running after distant goal posts, projecting into another time. You forgot to look at the obvious. You can’t seem to remember how important it is to have me as your ally. Without me, it ain’t working.

Me: Hmm. So, tell me this: Why can’t you be faster? Why can’t you be stronger? Why can’t you be… better? Why do you need to succumb on a daily basis? Why can’t you just let slip what isn’t yours? Why can’t you behave like a grown-up? Why can’t you be more forgiving?

Body: I’ve never been given the chance to show what I’m capable of. You have a distorted idea of how this is all supposed to work. You thought you could drop in and take on the world. But this is not how it is. This is neither how this planet works nor humanity. Every single human being has the right to be on their own journey. It is not your job to save them.

I’ll give you an example: Look at a population of ants. There is not one single ant who can do all of the jobs. However, each has their own important unique role. There isn’t one who is trying to take over to cover for everyone. They work together as a whole, but they are all individuals. This is the beauty of the process.

Me: Hmm.

Body: I need space to heal if we want to move forward. I am willing to cooperate. I am willing to go on this path with you. You, however, don’t believe I can. You are holding me prisoner with your limiting beliefs and extraordinary expectations that I am not able to fulfill. I am bound by the laws of the human body. There are certain processes I need to adhere to. Everything takes time, and if you grant me this time and space, if you can help me grow and teach me how it feels to be nurtured, then I promise you we can run this show.

Me: You’re saying I’m not granting you the space?

Body: You are putting so much pressure on me to perform. You are never satisfied. Your mind is racing like a maniac. I am in constant flight or fight response because you see obstacles, danger, and deceit everywhere.

Me: What do you mean?

Body: Just look at your mind and how she perceives the world. She is scared! She lives in fear! How can I ever start to heal when you allow her to remain in that state of fear?

Me: But how am I to change that?

Body: You cannot rush this either. It is a very slow process. It is undoing millennia of patterns and conditioning. Please, always remember to work on your own wounds only. You tend to get caught up in the world’s issues, especially in the suppression of women. You cannot tackle the injustices that have been done unto women by taking everything into your own mind and body. It is impossible. You can only heal what is yours and send out the light, the comfort and the compassion that stems from a true healing process. This can be the way forward. Do not attempt to try to heal every single injustice done upon women on this planet. This is not your path. You can be part of a network holding space for women so they can allow their own healing powers to develop but for this you need to learn how to hold space for yourself. This includes me, your emotions and your mind.

Me: I think I understand. Where is this coming from? This urge to heal it all?

Body: Because you can feel the pain and strongly identify with each and every of these women. Please remember, everyone on this planet has experienced injustice. Every single soul. They all carry their pains with them. It is not your job to heal all of this. It can be your job, though, to be an example of how to hold space for yourself. You can help others by holding the space for yourself. This means allowing compassion, healing, receiving, nurturing, understanding and forgiveness into your field. This does not mean you will never feel pain again; this is not what I am saying. You need to acknowledge these parts of you as they are part of the human experience. By offering compassion to all the parts of yourself can learn how to deal with your pain in a different way.

Me: But how do I get rid of the pain?

Body: I acknowledge you want to get rid of it which means you are in resistance to the experience. You are still putting pressure on me. Can’t you see how you are adding to the density? It would be amazing to allow the light of your allies and of yourself to filter through and allow lightness into the space. You can do this. I know it. This will require discipline because you need to change a habit. Use the serenity prayer. Discernment is key.

Please know you have done so well. It is time to be compassionate with yourself. It is time for you to help yourself and to be your own support. It is time for you to give and receive the love you are craving, give it to your own body and mind. You can do it. You deserve it.

Me: Thank you for opening this door for me. I thought I knew how to embody compassion. But I’ve denied giving it to myself. I can feel what you need. I can sense what it feels like to hold space for myself. Please be gentle and forgiving with me while I practice. This will take some time.

Body: I’m here and I will keep reminding you! Thank you for listening to me. 

* * * * *

Love thyself. So hard, yet so simple.