We all carry within us the darkness and the light

Illuminating the shadow within (Image courtesy of worldofmiri.com)

Let’s courageously face our shadow within

Let’s be honest with ourselves

We all carry the darkness within us. I believe it is important to acknowledge this and not solely focus on the externals by finger pointing, blaming others, the circumstances, or an organization for our personal misery and the issues on this planet. In saying this, I want to be very clear I don’t support any action hurting anyone or anything. However, I’d like to offer a perspective that might help us move forward to arrive at a different narrative.

What if we truly looked at ourselves and allowed ourselves to see how the darkness shows up within each single one of us through judgement, blame, our daily actions, and thoughts? What if we truly allowed ourselves to see where we lack integrity and peace within, something each one of us can choose to address? What if we chose to heal?

I believe as long as we give permission for our personal shadow to rule over us, consciously or subconsciously, we won’t be able to move towards inner and outer peace as we continuously create and recreate from our inner space, including those shadow parts. While it may seem easier to blame the outside world, this is a form of denial of our own inner wounds asking for acknowledgement, healing, and love. This is about being honest with who we are and where we are at.

The duality of our inner experience

We live in a place of duality. There is day and night. There are the seasons, there is the moon waxing and waning, there is death and birth, youth and age, and the cycle of the plants going through sprouting, flowering, fruiting, and dying. There is a duality in our experiences: Joy and grief. Laughter and tears. Love and fear. We all have it. This is the reality on this planet. It brings the beauty, too. Don’t you love it when the new flowers re-emerge after a time of rest and quiet? Don’t you marvel at the sun when it comes out after days of hiding behind a grey veil? Isn’t the morning light with its stunning colors amazing after the deep tones of the night? What about the feeling of rest after exercising or a long day’s works when we permit ourselves to let go?

We are part of this planet’s creation, so within us, we also carry duality: the darkness and the light. It’s within each and every single one of us. You. Me. All of us. I think it is pivotal to acknowledge this.

Discovering my personal shadow

Personally, I discovered my shadow side while going through my healing journey. It started with becoming aware of my shadow side. I had to acknowledge I had a shadow and with it the potential to yell at an innocent child or get so mad I’d throw things through the kitchen. That this was all there. IN ME. And I could not control it. Dealing with my personal darkness wasn’t pretty. So much was hidden within my shadow which I had to face, uncover, and work through. It was a hard journey. Difficult, painful, and full of tears. But, for me, it was the only way. Honestly, I think my life would have come to an end had I continued to allow my actions and life to be ruled by my shadow side. I’m not saying I’ve mastered this process. I still need to work on myself. I don’t think it ever stops. But this is not the point. What mattered was that I consciously chose to face myself and committed to doing my inner work. This was the most courageous decision I ever made. I don’t regret it because I am on a path towards inner peace. It’s not always there, but I can gain glimpses of it. However, it is a continuous process. Through being conscious of what shows up in my world I am learning how to handle myself differently – and hopefully in a better way.

There was so much hidden in my shadow:  All the times I felt shamed as a little child. Those emotions I put into the shadow, including all the moments, I felt I was not good enough or okay. Later, I added the behaviors I secretly did not like in myself: Talking about other people instead of talking to them, having to be the best and first at school to feel better about myself, not being able to play games for the joy but to win. Later, when I was a mum, I yelled at my children knowing very well they didn’t deserve this, letting my frustration rule. All the times I secretly kept the best pieces of chocolate for myself. When I pushed past someone because I thought the appointment I had was more important than demonstrating kindness. All the times I was judgemental about someone or getting angry about other’s behavior or judging what they said or did not say. All the moments I could have spoken up when someone was being bullied but chose not to. When I knew I had to apologize but was not courageous enough to admit my own mistakes.  I put into my shadow all the moments I behaved embarrassingly because I did not know how to show up any better. The list goes on.

These ‘misdemeanors’ may seem neglectable in the face of war, slavery, and genocide. But I fully believe this is exactly where we need to start: with ourselves, with small steps. Many snowballs make an avalanche. This is where we can really show up and make a difference. Every single one of us.

Working through my personal shadow

To face my shadow, I had to stop numbing myself, especially with alcohol. I stopped having a glass of bubbles whenever I felt awkward to make the world all rose-colored. I had to learn the shadow doesn’t go away because I chose not to feel. That does not change the pain. It only prolongs it.

I had to work through the unpretty parts of myself releasing lots of penned up emotions. However, in the end, it was about realizing, accepting, and acknowledging that I, too, carry within me the potential to darkness. Yes, it is there. And I was feeding it: Every time I judged myself for not performing well enough. Every time I walked away from a situation when I should have stayed and spoken up. Every time I knew there was a better path, but I chose not to take it. Every time I was not courageous enough to face my own inner demons. Every time I numbed myself with food, alcohol, social media or pretended everything was fine by choosing to gloss over with pretty morning affirmations.

There is a conscious shadow side and a subconscious one; the latter fed by early childhood memories, past life issues and whatever else we’re not aware of. I’m no expert here, but I have learned that my emotions are an entry gate towards my subconscious. When they suddenly run havoc, this is a signal providing a portal into the subconscious. This is the moment when shadow healing can happen. I had to practice not to act on the emotion, but to be with it and allow myself to feel it. This was probably the second most courageous decision I’ve ever made. Before, I had no idea how to work with my emotions in a non-destructive way. I was not even able to identify my emotions. Sometimes, I still shy away from them, but I am more aware and know what I need to do when they arise. I also learned how our thoughts can provide an entry point into the subconscious. This was about observing and acknowledging the inner voices running through my head and looking at what they were feeding me and why.

Walking into my shadow hurt. It was the most difficult process I’ve been through so far. There was so much grief in my heart about how I had wounded, injured, and pained others; it was tough to see. This was not about physical violence, but about words, thoughts, and actions. Or silence and inaction. All the times I was not courageous enough to own what I was responsible for. All the times I shrunk away and hid myself because I was too ashamed. Going through this process taught me where real courage lies. In facing ourselves.  In looking. In being honest.

Healing our shadow to heal humanity

Within me, there was tremendous pain. Looking around, it makes me wonder how much pain everyone else holds. This is not about making comparisons. This is simply about seeing the pain in every single one of us. Equally, there is horrendous pain on this planet, hurt, violence, and aggression. However, this is not an abstract concept ‘others’ fall prey to. This is something we all carry. There is always the potential to hurt, curse, judge, blame, or finger point when we act out and the shadow takes over. Somehow, we seem to be stuck on this roundabout. Could this be because we are too afraid of what we might see if we really chose to look?

But I firmly believe we have a choice. Every single one of us has a choice. We can start today. With us.

What if we all chose to look? What if we acknowledged, accepted and worked with our personal shadow within? What if we were honest? What if we looked at our daily lives, our relationships, and our routines? Because this is where the real work happens, not in a foreign land or someone else’s garden.

Let’s start in small doses. Let’s commit to seeing ourselves. Let’s ask for help to come in with ease and grace. Because shadow work is exhausting, and can be very disturbing. Ask for the perfect guidance and help to come in for you with ease and grace. And then embark.

Let’s be courageous.