I Hate(d) You, Period.

Embracing the magic within (Image courtesy of worldofmiri.com)

You’re interrupting my flow

I grew up detesting my period.

I categorized it as a necessary evil that interrupted my life. It felt like a foreign power took over, controlled me against my will, leaving impact, and wreaking havoc. I will never forget the day I was sporting my flashy white jeans, oblivious that my period was due, when the flood gates opened. I was walking home and endured the shame of red hot liquid forming a visible blob on my white rear (back then, there were no mobiles so I couldn’t call anyone to rescue me!).

My flow was always strong. Even the largest tampon only lasted for little over an hour on my heaviest days. Leaks happened regularly. It wasn’t pleasant. I learned to prepare myself better by carrying emergency period supplies wherever I went.  

Needless to say, I could not see any benefit in the whole affair.

More than once, the gynecologists sent me for scans to find an explanation for my heavy bleeding. There was never anything unusual in my inner organs. They suggested I try a coil, but I was suspicious of such interference. I had taken the anti-baby-pill in my early twenties for a couple of years and the hormones had played havoc with my overall well-being, making me feel nauseated and light-headed all day.

During my health crisis in my forties, everything worsened tenfold when I had my period. I felt like waves of toxins surged through my body. This usually started three days before the actual blood flow. I developed a headache, and felt like I had a hangover. I was grumpy and miserable. That part of my cycle knocked me out every time. On top of this, my cycle had shifted from twenty-eight to about twenty days. The actual bleeding lasted for almost a week which left me with roughly two weeks before everything started over again.

I dreaded it.

While in therapy because of my depression, a therapist suggested I look at my cycle from a different perspective.

She said the blood flow was an opportunity for my body to release the toxins I accumulated.

What?

Back then, I was not yet ready to receive this information, so I dismissed it.

I was never going to find peace with my cycle. Period.

I needed a period of change to change my period

Since then, I changed my life, morphing into a new, more authentic, more compassionate, true and honest me. One lesson was: “The timing to receive advice needs to be right.”

Eventually, I was ready to look at my cycle. It started, like all good learnings, with questions.

• Half of the world’s population are women and they all bleed. How come we don’t talk about it? At least not in the Western cultures where I grew up?

• Why is this part of womanhood frowned upon? Why do I feel the need to hide this part of me? Why do I feel so disconnected from this part of me?

• Everything on this planet goes through cycles. The plants develop with the seasons, the animals rear their babies according to their cycles, the moon grows and fades, and the oceans have their tides. We respect those, because they are natural. Why don’t I respect my own cycle?

I looked deeper and found analogies comparing women’s cycles to the seasons of the year and how they can influence our daily moods and energies.

What I learned about my monthly cycle:

I observed and noticed the following in the last days of my cycle, before the bleeding / releasing began anew:

• My energy levels dropped. I needed more time for myself and didn’t feel like being as active, physically or socially.

• The headaches and other symptoms lessened if I granted myself space.

• I craved healthy food, like organic coconut water, fresh fruit, and green juices.

• I connected more easily to my emotions. Often, I felt built up grief . If I allowed myself to let the tears flow, it helped me feel lighter.

• I needed more rest: naps, meditation, or simply enjoying the sun, without engaging in social media or other distractions.

I learned that the heaviness of my bleeding and severity of my PMS symptoms reflected how well I had treated myself during the past cycle; mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually:

• Mentally: How much negative self-talk did I indulge in? How much mental pressure had I applied to getting things right/done/ready? Had I been in charge of what I wanted versus what others expected from me? Had I allowed myself to be pulled into “drama” energy by excessively following the news or engaging in gossip?

• Emotionally: How well had I allowed emotions to flow through me, especially fear, anger, grief, blame? Did I get stuck in any emotions and was I holding onto them in my back/shoulders or in my belly? Had I picked up emotions from others?

• Physically: How well did I take care of my body? This included exercising, stretching, keeping hydrated, eating nourishing food, sleeping, resting, and having a bath or a massage.

• Spiritually: Did I follow my daily meditation routine? Did I pray? Did I practice gratitude? Did I cuddle my children? Did I allow myself to give and receive love? Did I feed my soul?

How I changed the curse into my friend:

Eventually, the largest realization struck.

My cycle is sacred. It is part of a sacred journey of creation and recreation. It allows me to birth and to create life. This is the greatest miracle on this planet.

I was in awe. What a superpower.

I had never looked at my cycle this way, and I loved it.

I gave myself the permission to connect with my creative power. I opened myself to the beauty that wants to be created through me – every day.  For me, this mainly means writing. It is a magical process – and the result is truly life-changing.

“Allowing myself to be me” shifted everything. I am back to a twenty-six to twenty-eight day cycle. I embrace my cycle with its different phases. I am filled with gratitude.

All women are creators.

Love, homes, families, art, space, safety, beauty, inclusion, peace…

What do you make?